‘Brexit? I’m stockpiling for a new statue of Thatcher.’

Paint

16 February 2019 9:00 am

Horse Flu

16 February 2019 9:00 am

Talks

16 February 2019 9:00 am

‘A woman aged 55 could have painted it.’

Art

9 February 2019 9:00 am

‘A bit late for that — they’ve already appointed Nick Clegg.’

Self harm

9 February 2019 9:00 am

Winter watch

9 February 2019 9:00 am

‘On a clear day you can see five county lines drugs rackets.’

Drugs

9 February 2019 9:00 am

‘Haven’t we been punished enough?’

Prison

9 February 2019 9:00 am

‘I want to stockpile and she wants to declutter.’

Relate

9 February 2019 9:00 am

‘I got a tattoo.’

Trees

9 February 2019 9:00 am

‘I seek peace, enlightenment and an alternative to the backstop.’

Peace

9 February 2019 9:00 am

‘If they ban ground-level letterboxes we’re in serious trouble, Arrietty.’

Borrower

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘I love your dress. It makes me look so much younger.’

Dress

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘Same again — otherwise known as Plan B.’

Plan B

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘We’ll pay more attention to you once Brexit is over.’

Pay attention

2 February 2019 9:00 am

Badger

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘We hope there’s a shortage of petrol for bombs.’

Petrol bombs

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘Evening Bob, how did Dry January go?’

Dry January

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘I need help — I can’t afford truffled gorgonzola and artisan olive sticks.’

Foodie bank

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘It’s worried about food shortages.’

Food shortage

2 February 2019 9:00 am

List

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘Are you looking at my bird?’

Guns

26 January 2019 9:00 am

United

26 January 2019 9:00 am

‘We’ve renamed our science-fiction section.’

Shelf

26 January 2019 9:00 am

‘Isn’t that typical? They’ve banned wood-burning covens.’

Wood burning

26 January 2019 9:00 am