‘I want to stockpile and she wants to declutter.’

Relate

9 February 2019 9:00 am

‘I got a tattoo.’

Trees

9 February 2019 9:00 am

‘I seek peace, enlightenment and an alternative to the backstop.’

Peace

9 February 2019 9:00 am

‘If they ban ground-level letterboxes we’re in serious trouble, Arrietty.’

Borrower

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘I love your dress. It makes me look so much younger.’

Dress

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘Same again — otherwise known as Plan B.’

Plan B

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘We’ll pay more attention to you once Brexit is over.’

Pay attention

2 February 2019 9:00 am

Badger

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘We hope there’s a shortage of petrol for bombs.’

Petrol bombs

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘Evening Bob, how did Dry January go?’

Dry January

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘I need help — I can’t afford truffled gorgonzola and artisan olive sticks.’

Foodie bank

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘It’s worried about food shortages.’

Food shortage

2 February 2019 9:00 am

List

2 February 2019 9:00 am

‘Are you looking at my bird?’

Guns

26 January 2019 9:00 am

United

26 January 2019 9:00 am

‘We’ve renamed our science-fiction section.’

Shelf

26 January 2019 9:00 am

‘Isn’t that typical? They’ve banned wood-burning covens.’

Wood burning

26 January 2019 9:00 am

Sign

26 January 2019 9:00 am

‘Just a moment. I need to update my status.’

Devil

26 January 2019 9:00 am

‘Just something I picked up in the sales.’

Assault

26 January 2019 9:00 am

‘I could do with a laugh.’

TV

26 January 2019 9:00 am

‘It’s to stop him driving.’

Seat belt

26 January 2019 9:00 am

Blindfold

26 January 2019 9:00 am

‘See it, pay it, sorted.’

Tickets

19 January 2019 9:00 am

‘Yet another burning injustice.’

Wood stove

19 January 2019 9:00 am