The Battle for Britain | 13 January 2024

‘I’ve got my 18-month-old playing darts.’
‘I’m worried about how much time he spends online. Do you think we should Google it?’
‘Apparently there’s a sex tape.’
‘I know you’re angry, but please stop tearing up the post.’
‘Due to manpower shortages, I can’t find enough men for a press gang.’
‘Get your burglary made into a TV drama and we’ll get back to you.’
‘Just speeding up the compensation process.’
‘January is a lousy time to give up alcohol.’