We’re in the elegant 1820s parlour of a five-star, Grade II-listed hotel. There’s music playing softly, and opposite us, one particularly well-groomed guest is wearing a bowtie.
A three-tier cake stand is brought to the table. On the top tier sits a selection of homemade biscuits and a fluffy cupcake finished with a swirl of yellow icing. Beneath that is a thick wedge of cake with what looks like pink and white buttercream oozing from the middle. And on the bottom tier is a finely decorated China bowl, piled high with… mashed-up meat?
This beautifully presented afternoon tea isn’t for me, you see. It’s for my dog. We’re in the former London police headquarters of Great Scotland Yard Hotel, which is hosting a dog-friendly Jubilee afternoon tea every Sunday – and I’ve brought my four-year-old cocker spaniel Branston to give his verdict.