Balham

To cone or not to cone?

27 May 2017 9:00 am

After spending the day unblocking the gutters and drains in the pouring rain, he wasn’t in the mood for a…

My kitchen kink is causing merry hell

18 February 2017 9:00 am

Fine, so I got it completely wrong. It turns out the sale of my flat was not held up by…

It’s been a fraught, divisive year but there’s a glimmer of hope in Raynes Park

31 December 2016 9:00 am

What a fraught, divisive, infuriating sort of year it’s been. It started with me attempting to go on a blind…

My estate agent is using sex to sell my flat

10 September 2016 9:00 am

What is happening to estate agents? Or let me put it another way. If the professional classes thought they were…

I wanted somewhere to put a piano. I got a Big Yellow night of the soul

27 August 2016 9:00 am

‘How did I get here?’ I think dazedly. I am sitting in the Big Yellow Self Storage in Balham being…

How to save on vet's bills with gaffer tape

13 August 2016 9:00 am

The builder boyfriend colicked for a week after eating a falafel kebab as he and I sat up all night…

Why I took down my Vote Leave poster

2 July 2016 9:00 am

We fled Balham after the result, having been outed as the only Leave voters in Lambeth. The builder boyfriend and…

What on earth was the girl from Taiwan doing in my bedroom?

28 May 2016 9:00 am

After a tense two week stand-off, the Balham Airbnb Crisis has been resolved. My upstairs neighbour and I have drawn…

Balham is about as close as you get, in 2015, to the 1950s

26 September 2015 8:00 am

After pulling out of my flat sale and U-turning on the idea of moving to the Cotswolds, it took me…

Am I moving to the Cotswolds? Don't measure the curtains yet

29 August 2015 9:00 am

On the basis that I might need a new boiler soon, I thought I had better sell the London flat…

From ponies to Jeremy Corbyn: Balham’s startingly posh militant left

22 August 2015 9:00 am

If anyone wants to know why the Labour party is about to elect Jeremy Corbyn as its leader then they…

The impossibility of ordering the right-sized salad

15 November 2014 9:00 am

People don’t listen. It’s a relatively new thing. People used to listen, to varying degrees. You had your good listeners…

Real life: buying books before it’s too late

1 June 2013 9:00 am

As well as buying vinyl records, I have begun collecting three-dimensional books constructed of paper that you hold in your…