Oscar

Seeing Nelson in a new light

10 February 2018 9:00 am

I picked up my grandson from his mother’s flat and noticed the change in him the second I clapped eyes…

How to mend a car, Russian-style

7 October 2017 9:00 am

The temperature gauge needle heeled hard over into the red. ‘Not again,’ I said to Oscar, sitting beside me on…

Oscar and I at a ‘car boot sale’ in Provence

19 August 2017 9:00 am

On Sunday morning we went, Oscar and I, to a vide grenier in the ancient, picturesque Provençal village. Vide grenier…

I am a human football

3 June 2017 9:00 am

My latest bed partner is a seven-year-old lad. That first night we slept together in my double bed, I hardly…

The schizophrenics who taught me to play pool

26 November 2016 9:00 am

Six months ago I bought a garden chair on eBay. When I went to the address to pick it up,…

I don’t mind nudity but this was a step too far

3 September 2016 9:00 am

A new footpath from the village down to the beach opened earlier this year to a great fanfare. It was…

The best way to shag a sheep

6 August 2016 9:00 am

After the death by boredom of the slow traffic jam, the agricultural-show field was an assault on the senses. The…

A game of chess with my grandson and a dead mouse

9 April 2016 9:00 am

The younger grandson, Klynton, four, has got in the habit recently of thrusting his hands in my trouser pockets and…

My six-year-old grandson got Grand Theft Auto, certificate 18, for Christmas

16 January 2016 9:00 am

I was at home in Devon for the month of December. My sister was also there and her tyrannical, wildly…

Follow my grandsons on the trail of the last bear in England

26 September 2015 8:00 am

I was looking after Oscar, my five-and-a-half-year-old grandson, for the day. We’d played football in the garden, then we’d come…

After the initial shock of my cancer diagnosis, I’ve never been happier

13 June 2015 9:00 am

On Sunday morning, I was kicking a football in the back garden with my grandson. I had bought him his…

We could swear and spit, strangle and shoot people

9 May 2015 9:00 am

The old fishing town faced the sea psychically as well as architecturally. Dressed as pirates, my grandson and I walked…

My grandson's getting into the rugby: 'Which one's West Ham?'

14 February 2015 9:00 am

My grandson and I had a lovely hour-long swim at the leisure centre. We had the learner pool to ourselves…

That’s another year gone and, against the odds, I’m still here

3 January 2015 9:00 am

A fruity voice on the train’s announcement system said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, make sure you have all your belongings, family…

A game of dominoes turns ugly

20 September 2014 9:00 am

I’m round at Amy and Bill’s for Sunday afternoon tea. Amy and Bill are my in-laws, kind of. When I…

My grandson’s Great Leap Forward

26 July 2014 9:00 am

‘Oscar!’ cried Miss Herd as I arrived. She was standing at the classroom door releasing her charges one by one…

Two narcissists trapped in one static caravan

31 May 2014 9:00 am

I was two days alone in the caravan and no signal or reception of any sort. It was like a…

The joy of showing my grandson how to wield an axe

18 January 2014 9:00 am

Until a fortnight ago there was a healthy, graceful, 70ft-specimen of Eucalyptus dalrympleana — or mountain gum — in the…

Jeremy Clarke: If you haven’t read We’re Going on a Bear Hunt, you haven’t lived

14 December 2013 9:00 am

Christmas shopping in Waterstones, I came across a memory card game called We’re Going on a Bear Hunt. I snatched…

Jeremy Clarke: Can't we even manage a proper hurricane?

9 November 2013 9:00 am

In the Spar shop I overheard someone talking anxiously to the woman on the till about an approaching ‘hurricane’. I…