Competition | 28 February 2009

Lucy Vickery presents the latest competition

In Competition No. 2584 you were invited to contribute to the wave of Darwin mania sweeping the globe by submitting limericks to mark the bicentenary of the naturalist’s birth. Limerick comps are guaranteed to pull in the punters and this one prompted a flood of biblical proportions, with a lot of unfamiliar names — from the United States, in particular. There is room for only 17, which meant that many worthy contenders didn’t make the cut. So in the interests of making way for as many winners as possible, I’ll put a sock in it. Those printed below are rewarded with a princely £8 apiece.

The Church was much less than elated
When its teaching was openly slated
As Darwin revealed
That the beasts of the field
Had not been created as stated.
Martin Parker

I’ve heard the great man’s why and how
And am fully prepared to allow
That all creatures contrive
To evolve and survive —
But just how are we doing that now?
W.J. Webster

Said a redneck from West Tennessee
‘This Darwin stuff’s bunk, I can see.
The Lord made his design
Which I reckon damn fine
’Cause its final end-product is me.’
George Simmers

There was a young sailor from Mere
Who ran from the Beagle in fear
When he heard of the plan
Of the crew, to a man
To grab, cook and eat Darwin’s Rhea.
William Danes-Volkov

The strong enjoy leisure and laughter,
Like the stars who win Oscar and Bafta,
But the meek are neglected,
And seldom selected,
Unless one accepts the hereafter.
Frank McDonald

‘Alleluia!’ cried God. ‘All is solved
And Darwin is duly absolved.
He’s made it quite clear
How I came to be here
And at last I know how I evolved.’
Alan Millard

First Genesis bugged him but then
He found he could still say Amen
When his origin line
Verified the divine:
God made animals first and then men.