The Battle for Britain | 26 July 2025

‘I need to build up muscle strength so I can carry my water bottle’
‘It’s Jeffrey Epstein… he wants to deny any connection to Donald Trump.’
‘I’m hoping someone will steal my phone, so my parents buy me a new one.’
‘What’s this about Britishness meaning something to you?’
‘What’s the matter with these people? Can’t they stick to sexist abuse?’
‘After two successful marriages, I’m single again.’
‘You can’t read it – it’s covered by a superinjunction.’
‘Great news! The country is going to the dogs!’
‘I’m going on holiday so you’ll have to get an AI doctor to go on strike for me.’