Decalogue

In Competition 2515 you were invited to supply Ten Commandments for a belief system, real or invented, of your choice.
As traditional authority figures and sources of identity crumble round our ears, people (who, when it comes down to it, quite like to be told what to do) are casting around for new rule books. Take, for example, Pastafarianism, or the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which was drawn to my attention by Brian Murdoch. Founded in the US by physics graduate Bobby Henderson in protest at the teaching of Intelligent Design in schools (religion masquerading as science, as Henderson saw it), it has eight ‘I’d really rather you didn’ts’, known as the Loose Canon. Or maybe one of this week’s winning entries ‘speaks to you’. Their authors get £25 each, and the bonus fiver goes to G.M. Davis.

Middle England
1. Thou shalt worship the Market and read the Daily Mail, which is the Revealed Truth thereof.
2. Thou shalt live if possible in the Home Counties, Cheshire or Spain.
3. Thou shalt favour the restoration of capital punishment and national service.
4. Thou shalt resist taxation while demanding quality state schools, prompt medical attention when needed, good local services and a policeman on every corner.
5. Thou shalt speak no language but English, especially if living abroad.
6. Thou shalt ignore the oppressive, state-regulated Highway Code.
7. Thou shalt not cheat unduly at golf or bridge.
8. Thou shalt not commit adultery unless able to stand the financial consequences of getting found out.
9. Thou shalt read, learn and inwardly digest ‘I am not a racist, but …’
10. Thou shalt faithfully spread the wisdom of thy creed with such vital precepts as ‘You can’t change human nature’ and ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.’
G.M. Davis