Your Problems Solved | 26 October 2002

Dear Mary…

Q. My social life and my job depend to a degree on my contacts with the aristocracy. During a recent visit to a stately home, I had an unfortunate reaction to alcohol and rich food. The result, without going into too many details, was that I had no alternative but to take my bed linen with me when I left. I have not yet corresponded with my hostess. How can I explain the absence of the bed linen? Clearly it would be inadvisable to tell the truth. Although my hostess is/was fond of me, I doubt our relationship could survive it.
E.H., London W8

A. You should spare your hostess the full details. Go to Peter Jones or John Lewis and buy replacement bed linen as similar as possible in quality and size to the desecrated linen. Post this to your hostess with a letter thanking her in the normal way, then going on to explain that you are replacing the bed linen you damaged through stupidly smoking in your bedroom while the worse for wear. You took the precaution of removing it on your departure to ensure you could achieve as good a match as possible.

Q. A close friend and I are about to embark on a business project that has the potential to make both of us a huge amount of money. My problem is that there are issues of intellectual copyright involved, and it is vital that the ideas should be discussed with no one. My colleague has assured me that he will keep the details secret from his wife, who is a blabbermouth. He denies that he has told her anything. I suspect, however, that the opposite may be the case.