Dear Mary…
Q. I have three bolshie children and at this time of year I like to start writing dates in the diary for the summer holidays, since I know that without a carefully pre-arranged schedule the children will start making inconvenient arrangements of their own. However, my problem is that for the last two years we have rented a house in Cornwall with another family. They have made no mention this year of repeating the experience and, although we like them very much, neither have we, for fear of being pushy and turning the thing into an inextricable annual arrangement.
I am now paralysed, not knowing whether to wait for them to suggest it or go ahead with
independent arrangements. What shall I do?
Name and address withheld
A. You should make independent plans this summer, then ring your friends to make the cheerful announcement that you were panicked into making a booking but, next year, if they felt like joining you, would they let you know in February so you can all join up again together in 2005? Once the threat of permanent fixture has been removed, you will find your two families can once again respond to each other in a spontaneous manner.
Q. Propriety requires me to maintain a civilised front when dealing with my
mother-in-law. This is achievable when the two of us are in the company of others, but occasionally I have to telephone her to pass on some information from my husband, and her caustic tongue can leave me shaky for a whole day. How can I avoid these telephone encounters, Mary, and make sure she is always out so I can just leave a message on her answering service and bypass the
conversation? Postcards would just be impractical and too obvious a sign that I was frightened of her.
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