Michael Vaughan has been through hell, twice. The first time was well publicised. On thin grounds, the former England cricket captain was accused of racism and was then subjected to a brutal investigation by cricket’s overlords. Defending himself valiantly, he was exonerated. The second circle of awfulness, though, was just as bad – he became seriously ill. Last week, he talked to the Telegraph about the horrific symptoms that suddenly reared up, and of his search for a cure.
I have a little device that sits on my chest and vibrates against the vagus nerve
The crisis came when, at the Boxing Day Test in Melbourne, he was so weak, in such terrible pain, that he couldn’t pick up the microphone; he’d already noticed that he couldn’t summon the strength to do up his shoelaces or the buttons on his shirt. A sensible colleague sent him to hospital, and thus began a series of medical tests that showed, not MS or Parkinson’s or leukaemia, as you might fear in such a situation – but a serious inflammatory condition brought on by stress.
We hear a lot about stress. There’s good stress, which keeps us motivated and productive. But sometimes stress is so bad that our immune system goes rogue. Our bodies simply turn on themselves and try to destroy us. In that situation, conventional medicine has few answers. Michael Vaughan, like many who have these life-changing assaults on our system, is turning to oddball remedies. Cold water, vagus nerve stimulation, mindset management. Desperate people embrace unconventional measures.
I relate to all of this because it happened to me. Early on during the pandemic, my stress levels were crazy bad. My son was sitting his finals at home while undergoing tests for a terrible disease; we were in strict ‘shielding’ and my own health was poor. One day, walking up the stairs, my body just said no, not doing this anymore. Pain everywhere, inflammation like fire in my joints. Then a vertigo attack so severe that it landed me in hospital.
I was slowly improving, then I had my first jab – AstraZeneca. In the following days and weeks, my body became weaker and weaker until, like Michael Vaughan, I could barely dress myself. I couldn’t do basic normal household tasks. I now live my life out in teaspoons of energy, following the same eccentric protocols as Vaughan. Vagus nerve stimulation. Brain re-wiring. Meditation. Things that old me would have called woo-woo are now my life.
Like Vaughan, I have a little device that sits on my chest and vibrates against the vagus nerve. The idea is that this mad condition has put our bodies into a default stress state, the sympathetic state, and the vagus nerve will help us get them back to their natural parasympathetic states – rest and digest. It kind of works. I sometimes tuck the thing in my bra, listen to Tibetan chanting on my headphones, and slow walk around the field opposite my house. I’ve practically turned my natural disposition, prone to a profound sense of foreboding, into P.G. Wodehouse’s Madeleine Bassett, ‘hello flowers! hello trees! The stars are God’s daisy chain,’ and all that.
Vaughan has set up a tub in his garden so that he can immerse himself in ice-cold water every morning. As well as being good for inflammation, it gives him a sense of ‘clarity’ and of being ‘bright and fresh.’ I’m the same. I take regular freezing cold baths. They seem to put my body into a calm and peaceful state and I emerge rather blissful in the head.
When I can, I slow swim in the River Cam, and find the cold water and the wildlife sheer joy. It’s easy to be sneery about the current craze for wild swimming but, by God, it’s an amazing thing for those of us who need to escape from overwhelming stress or other life-altering difficulties. A few years ago, Nick Cave, the musician, was grieving for his son and had the sudden impulse to jump into the sea in Brighton. He’s been getting in the water ever since, and recently wrote this in his Red Hand Files:
In icy water, with our adrenaline and endorphins running riot, we are returned to our innocent, primordial selves via an internal ecstatic screaming to be born defiantly afresh. We become tiny creatures in the shock of nature… we are made happy… we understand we are better now.
So, good luck with the woo-woo, Michael Vaughan. I’m an unembarrassed convert. It’s done me a power of good. I hope it does the same for you.
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