Q. I was fishing in the Highlands and had to take a two-hour taxi from Inverness to the cottage where I was staying. In such a situation, how does one silence a well-meaning but overly chatty driver?
— Marcus W., London
A. Ideally, you should take more of an interest in people. However, if you really dread such conversations on long taxi journeys, then make a point of entering the car wearing a windproof jacket (such as a Barbour) and a hat, regardless of forecast and condition. In this way, if it should turn out that the driver is a bit garrulous, you can chat animatedly for a short while before confiding that you suddenly feel a bit carsick and ask if you can open the window. You will find that the buffeting makes conversation all but impossible. Meanwhile your Barbour and hat will enable you to beat the chill.
Q. What to do when someone is talking all the way through a television programme you are trying to watch? One of my sisters brought a new friend home for the weekend. We would not normally expect guests to watch television but it was Sunday night and, had he not been staying behind to drive my sister to London the next morning, he would have normally left by then. We were trying to watch a thriller called Scapegoat, a dramatisation of the Daphne du Maurier story with Alice Orr Ewing in it, and you had to concentrate to understand the twists. But none of us could hear vital bits of dialogue because of his observational asides. We were all seething but felt we did not know this boy well enough to ask him to pipe down. He seemed a nice enough chap otherwise, though the jury is still out. How could we have silenced him without causing offence, Mary?
—Name and address withheld
A. When this sort of nuisance occurs, the correct procedure is for the person holding the remote control to offer it to the offender, saying pleasantly ‘can I ask you to be in charge of subtitles? Then we will be able to hear your witty commentary but we will still be able to follow the plot.’ With this friendly gesture you will tactfully get the message across that the fatuous prattle is not going down that well with other viewers and, if someone can’t gag himself, then he must go to bed.
Q. I am divorced and now share a flat with a great male friend who is also divorced. Because we get on so remarkably well everyone assumes that we have become gay. How, without being heavy-handed, can we signal that this is not the case?
—R.W-J., and A.W., London W1
A. I have discussed your issue with a mutual friend who assures me that you have no need to worry. He pronounces: ‘no one will think they are gay when they see how dirty their flat is.’
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