Starbucks has announced that it is reversing its rule that allowed people to hang round in cafés in the United States even if they’d not bought anything. From 27 January, Americans will have to buy something or leave. Some people think that’s a bit harsh but it doesn’t go far enough: there are also plenty of paying customers that should be simply banned from cafés everywhere.
The first to be shown the door should be remote workers who rock up in the morning with their laptops, order a small coffee, grab the best table and jealously hog it all day long, nursing their solitary flat white and treating the place like their own personal office space.
They use the electricity, the wi-fi and the heating. They tap away at their keyboards, update their spreadsheets and then pace up and down as they make loud, self-satisfied work calls about ‘circling back’ and ‘getting our ducks in a row’. This isn’t the sort of energy anyone sensible wants in a social space.
It looks like the beginnings of a backlash are underway
The entitlement of some of these freeloaders can be astonishing: staff at several cafés say remote workers ask them to turn music off so they can hold Zoom meetings. Others have shown up to cafés with their own food in Tupperware boxes – one even asked the café staff to heat it up for him.
Some arrive not with laptops but with full-on energy-sapping computers, including a separate monitor and tower. It can’t be long until people set up plant pots and framed photos of their kids. Insisting on working in a café all day but not paying your way is selfish and self-defeating, because buying just one drink for a six-hour stay is going to put these places out of business.
We should also ban noisy kids. Cafés are often now full of wailing babies and tantrum-throwing toddlers. You can’t hear yourself think. Kids scream, they run around, they trip over and then scream some more. Their parents will, at best, make a performative attempt to quieten them down, half-heartedly saying: ‘Dylan, could we keep it a little bit quieter, please?’
Surprisingly, this doesn’t do the trick and the parents rarely try any harder because genuinely ticking off your children in public has become taboo, and taking responsibility is also a bit unfashionable these days. Much better to let your kids annoy strangers than risk looking a bully in public.
Today’s mums and dads feel entitled to continue their lifestyle after they become parents. So if they sat for hours with friends in a café before their kids came along, why should they let the new arrivals stop them? If the kids get bored and begin playing up, ruining the experience for other customers, so what? Mum and dad deserve this.
Table-hogging workers, screaming kids and their indifferent parents are just another symptom of post-Covid entitlement. It’s everywhere: theatre bosses say that audiences have forgotten how to behave since the lockdowns, and restaurant owners say diners have become ruder and more aggressive. But these business owners are so desperate for cash, they don’t feel there’s much they can do about it.
For too long, cafés have actively courted undesirables. All those plug sockets lure the remote workers through the door and cafés’ increasingly infantile menus, all packed with enough sugar to raise an Egyptian mummy from the dead, are aimed at kids.
It’s amazing to think how civilised cafés once were. You could meet friends there for a good chat over coffee. You could exchange ideas and you could even hear what each other said. Or you could show up on your own with a good book, and sink into your chair over a hot chocolate or two. These were wonderful times and it’s a shame that these experiences are becoming so rare.
It’s true that some remote workers can’t really work from home because their property is too cramped or noisy, but there are places where they can rent desk space or they can work in libraries for free. As for parents with noisy kids, I hear that there are places called playgrounds and outlets known as McDonald’s.
It looks like the beginnings of a backlash are underway. Some cafés are banning laptops to make room for customers who are prepared to spend more money. Some are switching off wi-fi or removing most of their plug sockets. A few cafés and restaurants have even begun to ban children under 10. Bring it on, I say. Let’s make cafés great again.
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