And so it begins, as Donald Trump likes to say, though not usually about cricket. He was offering his thoughts on the New York mayoral elections, which is not as much fun as the Ashes. Pleasingly, the goading is reaching volcanic levels as the Perth Test gets ever closer. Who needs Trump?
The West Australian is not a paper many readers will be familiar with but its pages have been plastered with pictures of English players making their way through arrivals at Perth airport. A large photograph of Ben Stokes pushing his luggage trolley was headlined ‘BAZ BAWL’, with the subheading ‘England’s Cocky Captain Complainer, still smarting from “crease-gate”, lands in Perth early thinking dopey “Bazball” can take the Ashes’, referring to the controversial stumping of Jonny Bairstow by Australia’s Alex Carey at Lord’s in 2023.
Later the paper turned its attention to Joe Root, with the headline ‘Average Joe’ and sub-heading ‘Dud Root Down Under: Hero in the homeland, pretender in Australia. The stats that haunt England’s greatest batter ahead of Ashes showdown’. The stats in question are that England’s greatest batsman has never scored a Test century in Australia, despite scoring 39 elsewhere in the world. Dud Root is Australian slang for someone who is not very good when it comes to, er, the physical side of romance. It might be a whole load of laughs working at the West Australian, but slagging off a humble sporting titan known for his unshowy decency is a step too far, guys. Just sporting bantz, you say? Well, we’ll see.
Clearly and pleasingly, Bazball and England seem to have got under the Aussies’ skin to an even greater degree than usual. Stokes himself wittily recognised the West Australian’s pioneering approach to news: ‘It’s unbelievable journalism to get that much information out of a bloke pushing a suitcase through an airport, so fair play.’ Meanwhile, Zak Crawley’s claim that ‘Bazball winds the Aussies up’ provoked that finest of wicketkeeper-batsmen Adam Gilchrist to retaliate, making clear that Australia had been playing aggressive cricket long before England embraced it: ‘We were doing it 20 years before them. It’s just the way you play cricket. No it doesn’t wind me up. Bring it on.’
Good stuff, and all on the eve of what should be a thrilling series. Australia’s top order is vulnerable despite Marnus Labuschagne piling on some early-season runs with Queensland. The loss of two of their awesome fast bowling strike force in Pat Cummins and Josh Hazlewood isn’t going to be easy to cover, despite the efforts of replacement quick Scott Boland. But despite this being the best battalion of seamers England have fielded since 2010-11, the England batting line-up lacks experience Down Under. This is a first Ashes tour for Ben Duckett, Harry Brook, Jamie Smith and Jacob Bethell. Zak Crawley and Ollie Pope had a combined average of under 20 when they toured four years ago.
Clearly and pleasingly, England seem to have got under the Aussies’ skin to an even greater degree than usual
Always the key players in Ashes series Down Under are the fast bowlers. Australia invariably have good ones because they are used to the pacey pitches. England sometimes have them and when they do, they do well: Larwood, Tyson, Snow and, lest we forget, 6ft 7in Chris Tremlett, who in 2010-11 took 17 wickets in England’s 3-1 series win. So as England fans, we must hope that one out of Jofra Archer, Ben Stokes and Mark Wood has a good series.
Stokes will be the decisive player. He clearly believes the Ashes are part of his destiny, and who are we to stand in his way? This series comes at a critical moment in his career. He will go down as one of the best captains of the modern era anyway but bring back the urn, and he will be the very best of modern times, and possibly even the greatest of all time – the GOAT.
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