It was a day of awful numbers. And even more gruesome cliches. The Labour leader started it. ‘Yesterday we passed the tragic milestone of 100,000 deaths,’ said Sir Keir Starmer. Then he informed us that, ‘this is not just a statistic.’ He explained that each dead person has connections to other individuals who remain alive. He gave three examples. ‘A mum, a dad, a sister.’ Then he gave four more. ‘A brother, a friend, a colleague, a neighbour.’
Next he premiered a well-crafted denunciation of government failings that relied on the repetition of ‘slow’ at the start of each phrase. ‘Slow, slow, slow’, he boomed, like the tolling of a death-knell o’er a frosty graveyard.
‘Slow into the first lockdown. Slow in getting protective equipment to the front-line. Slow on a test and trace system. Slow to change the Christmas mixing rules.’
Slow to get to the point. Then he consulted his social diary and told us that this afternoon he’s on a dash to see mourning families. This isn’t a pastoral trip but an ammunition-gathering exercise, as became clear. Sir Keir wants to provoke the bereaved into offering up quotable outbursts that will destabilise the government and bring him closer to the seat of power. ‘Weep into this hanky, everyone,’ he’ll tell the assembled mourners, ‘so I can rinse it out over the clown’s blond hairdo next week.’ He started this propaganda campaign on the floor of the House by asking Boris to offer a message to the families. And he noted the PM had been asked to do this before but, ‘he replied with a pre-prepared childish gag. I can tell him how badly that went down.’
What childish gag? Sir Keir didn’t tell us. Instead he went all hoity-toity.
‘I hope this time he’ll have the decency to answer them properly.’
Boris didn’t like this high-horse posturing. He was furious when he got up after Sir Keir’s six questions had expired, and he delivered a withering review of Labour’s opportunistic flip-floppery.
‘He has never failed in his efforts to score political points… He tries to associate himself with the vaccination programme now because he senses it may be going well.’
The Speaker indicated that Boris should wind up. But the PM ploughed on.
‘He even attacked the vaccination taskforce, Mr Speaker, I know you want me to sit down, but he attacked the taskforce for spending £675,000 on an effort to discover hard to reach groups.’
That’s a rarity. A member openly defying the Chair, even if he is the Prime Minister.
Ian Blackford of the SNP wanted to bazooka the PM as well but his guns were spiked in advance by Sir Keir’s endless soliloquys. Blackford opened with a very large claim about the PM’s statement that everything possible had been done to limit the death-toll.
‘We all know that’s simply not true,’ said Blackford.
A stunning accusation: the Prime Minister, through idleness or incompetence, caused citizens’ deaths and lied about it.
Boris replied sombrely that there are no easy options and he saluted the NHS staff who are currently jabbing pensioners in the arm at a terrifying rate.
Hearing praise for the NHS, Blackford backtracked fast.
‘I must respectfully say that this is not about apportioning blame.’
Pull the other one. This was an unseemly debate. The SNP and the Labour party were playing the same game, capitalising on corpses, turning tragedy into soundbites, and fishing for votes in the depths of grief.
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