2081: Four of each

In Competition No. 2764 you were invited to provide an example of a Spectator columnist stepping into a fellow columnist’s shoes.

It was a smallish entry by comparison with recent weeks and the standard was somewhat uneven. Deborah Ross proved a popular if elusive target. You struggled valiantly to capture her voice but no one completely pulled it off though Brian Murdoch came closest. The bonus fiver goes to Noel Petty, who played a blinder. His fellow winners take £25 each.

I have recently discovered a most ingenious and useful device. Since I am reluctant to deface the old rectory where I live with aerials, ‘dishes’ and the like, my access to television is necessarily restricted. My London flat has no television, contrary to the BBC’s firm belief that such a thing is impossible, an idée fixe that I may have mentioned here previously. Now a generous neighbour has passed on to me a number of boxes with the regrettably polyglot name of video cassettes and a video player enabling me to watch the televisual contents therein. I understand that it may even be possible to record television programmes to watch at more convenient times, though I have not yet attempted this. The system has many advantages for persons with limited time, and I believe it will have an important role to play in the future. I strongly recommend it.

Noel Petty/Charles Moore fills in for the Wiki Man

Q. We regularly take a very independent Aged Parent out to lunch. That’s all fine and jolly, but said A.P. invariably has signs of his breakfast — porridge, egg, marmalade, etc. — down his front. I’m sure he’d be mortified to see how he looks, but he’s impervious to hints and pointed glances.