I love the gym on a January morning. The frantic flush on the faces of the bankers as they Stairmaster to redundancy, the quivers of the anorexics staggering into their fifth mile. Actually, there aren’t any anorexics. The anorexics of Bloomsbury are clearly lacking in New Year’s resolve. Hardly surprising, as despite the tsunami of publicity annually devoted to the perils of eating disorders, only 19 out of 1,000,000 women are suffering from anorexia, according to Clinical Knowledge Summaries, as opposed to the 240,000 afflicted with obesity. Hardly an epidemic, yet anorexia is one of those curious points of intersection where the Guardian and the Daily Mail agree. Despite being a lifestyle choice which clearly requires exceptional discipline, the jutting collarbones of the Grim Reaper apparently stalk the high street, lying in wait for any teenage girl whose self-esteem has plummeted due to an overdose of Heat.
One wonders then, whether Eric Pickles will succumb to detox pressure in 2009 or will he learn to love his curves? David Cameron has supposedly questioned Mr Pickles’s suitability to occupy a seat or two on his front bench on the grounds of the latter’s portliness. If Mr Cameron were serious about his prolier-than-thou credentials he might consider a more rotund shadow cabinet, as better representing Big-Mac Britain, but if Mr Pickles is to be streamlined he need look no further than Gymbox’s hot new workout “Chav Fighting”. “Protect yourself from the Youf (sic) of today”, promises the brochure, “Learn how to defend yourself from gangs of Hoodies, avoid Happy Slappings and feel safe in Knife Crime ridden London”. What could be more on message? Using a mixture of Krav Maga and other martial arts, Mr Pickles can expect to tone up whilst becoming ‘confident, switched on and ready for action”. Feeling lucky, fat cat?
Personally, I’m going for a balanced approach this year. In the morning, I’m aiming for cappuccino and croissants, with pasta and red wine, or possibly whisky, in the evening. But in between, I can eat anything I like.
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