Metropolitan police officers have been asked to write a poem celebrating the wonderful diversity of our capital. The winning entrant will get to have ‘elevenses’ with the Met’s Head of Diversity, a nice lady called Denise Milani. This is too entrancing a prospect to pass up. So, given that the poem will come from a policeman’s view, here’s my entry:
Albanian gangsters with rice flails and Uzis,
Ukrainian pimps with high-cheekboned floozies,
Jamaicans with handguns, Somalis with knives
— just some of the people enriching our lives.
Jew-hating Imams from Rabat and Homs,
Stockpiling their basements with ricin and bombs,
Rich Saudi princes with cowering slaves,
Slovakian hooligans, Romanian knaves,
A fat lady from Lagos looking quite glum
With five kilos of gak stashed away up her bum,
Levantine maniacs beating up gays,
Young girls from Thailand whose skills quite amaze,
Grim Kurdish separatists from the shores of Lake Van,
Strange Russian men with a nuclear tan,
From Romford to Ruislip a myriad show
Of cultural diversity — so mind how you go.
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