Fraser Nelson

A song for the crunch

A song for the crunch
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It's bloody depressing being a columnist right now. The meltdown is easily the most important topic, but how many variants of this can you produce before readers give up? Or think they have read it all before?  I was going to give you the latest economic horror story of our L-shaped downturn but instead I'll give it a rest and you this song by Noel Coward. As Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged is a book for our times, so this is its song; it has been playing non-stop in my head these last few days. It pretty much sums everything up. Can CoffeeHousers think of an extra verse for the credit crunch?

They're out of sorts in Sunderland

And terribly cross in Kent,

They're dull in Hull

And the Isle of Mull

Is seething with discontent,

They're nervous in Northumberland

And Devon is down the drain,

They're filled with wrath

On the firth of Forth

And sullen on Salisbury Plain,

In Dublin they're depressed, lads,

Maybe because they're Celts

For Drake is going West, lads,

And so is everyone else.


Misery's here to stay.


There are bad times just around the corner,

There are dark clouds hurtling through the sky

And it's no good whining

About a silver lining

For we know from experience that they won't roll by,

With a scowl and a frown

We'll keep our peckers down

And prepare for depression and doom and dread,

We're going to unpack our troubles from our old kit bag

And wait until we drop down dead.

 Coward produced several verses and adapted it for America. So I’m sure we can do a credit crunch ‘08 version...

Written byFraser Nelson

Fraser Nelson is the editor of The Spectator. He is also a columnist with The Daily Telegraph, a member of the advisory board of the Centre for Social Justice and the Centre for Policy Studies.

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