"Comrades of the North Korean Democratic Republic - extraordinary news! Against all the odds your heroic socialist representatives at the western junket known as The World Cup have vanquished one of the most filthy running dog imperial powers, Portugal. With the Great Leader as their inspiration, and Juche in their hearts, they set about the capitalist usurpers, who ran away like so many black rats. They did not merely win, comrades, but humiliated their opponents by a score of eight goals to nil. This follows their noble victory over the hopeless lackeys of Brazil in game one. It is only due to the hostile and aggressive nature of the imperialist USA and its lickspittle South Korean wage slave accomplices that you are not able to watch this magnificent spectacle on television. But rejoice! rejoice! Go on, eat some more grass, you deserve it."