All over the shop

I’m writing this near Ludlow, a town which has miraculously kept its centre.

I’m writing this near Ludlow, a town which has miraculously kept its centre. On Saturday last there was a bustling market, selling hundreds of things you might actually want to buy. Around it were the shops: independent butchers with pheasants hanging above the door, bakers you had to hurry past because you’d want to buy enough cakes to bring on a heart attack, independent clothiers selling long-forgotten styles, none made for 7p an hour by children in Bangladesh. It all looked marvellous.

Shepton Mallet in Somerset has not been so lucky, and that was the theme of Turn Back Time — The High Street on BBC1 (Tuesday), the latest reality show, a blend of Mary Queen of Shops and Masterchef, a point rammed home by having shouty Gregg Wallace as one of the presenters — goodness knows why, since he brings little except his trademark shoutiness.

The deal is that present-day shopkeepers — a butcher, a baker, a candlestick-maker (or ironmonger) plus a grocer — set up old-fashioned shops in disused properties. This week they were Victorians. I don’t know if it’s something in the water, but the people of Shepton Mallet seemed a little slow on the uptake. One woman arrived at the 1870s grocery demanding bottled mayonnaise and factor-30 sun block.

But they weren’t half as daft as Nigel, who runs a bakery at home, where his wife, a master baker, makes all the bread. Apparently, no women were professional bakers in Victorian times, so Nigel had to do it all himself, which he managed by following the usual male rule of ignoring everything his wife said. The result was bread that was burnt on the outside, damp in the middle, and so salty that one customer said she’d be afraid to feed it to the birds.