Dramatis personae:
Joe Citizen (a citizen)
Jack and Jill Jones (Joe’s neighbours)
Mr Whatam-Ibid (a surveyor)
Mr Ballpark-Estimate (a valuer)
Ms Dreamhomes (an estate agent)
Mr Moneybags (a small banker)
Mr Dollarsacks (a global fund manager)
Mr Brown (a prime minister)
(voices off) (depositors; taxpayers)
Stage props: two bricks: one large, one small
The stage is empty against the backdrop of a blue sky and scudding clouds. ENTER: Joe Citizen carrying a small brick, and Jack and Jill Jones carrying a large one…
Joe Citizen (to the Joneses): That’s a nice big brick you own.
The Joneses: It’s for sale. The kids have flown the nest and we’re downsizing. We’d take £10 for our brick. What are you asking for your smaller one?
Joe Citizen (to himself): £10? Pricey for a brick, but I guess mine must be worth more than I realised too. The market’s obviously on the up. (To the Joneses) I’d sell mine for £8.
The Joneses (conferring): Brick prices must be rising faster than we thought. If his is worth £8, ours must be worth more than £10. (To Joe) We’ve raised our asking price to £20.
Joe Citizen (to himself): Then mine must be worth at least £12. (To the Joneses) I’m asking £15 for mine now.
Joe and the Joneses continue bidding up the price of each other’s bricks until they close the deal at £100 for Joe’s small brick and £200 for the Joneses’ big one.
Jill Jones (to her husband): We’re buying for £100 and selling for £200 so we’ve got £100 to spend. Let’s invest in bricks — buy-to-let, maybe? We’re in a rising market here. EXEUNT the Joneses.
Joe Citizen (alone): As I’m selling for £100 and buying for £200, I’m short of £100.
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