Are you paying attention?

I have just posted a score of 1,625,000 on Bubbleshooter, my best yet. Bubbleshooter is a game where you fire different coloured bubbles at other different coloured bubbles in order, in the end, to make all the different coloured bubbles disappear. It is an elderly game, in its uplifting nihilism, and almost certainly dates me precisely. My latest attempt took slightly over one hour. I had intended to spend the afternoon finishing the book I’ve been reading, but having logged in on my laptop became momentarily and later endlessly distracted.

First I did the Times and Telegraph cryptic and ‘toughie’ crosswords, then I did Wordle, of course – identifying the word ‘album’ in three goes, which the website assured me was ‘impressive’. Now, I thought to myself, time to get down to the book. I’ll make a cup of tea and maybe relax first by seeing what idiocies have been posted on Facebook in the past 24 hours. Then I remembered Bubbleshooter and thought to myself – well, why not? It will put me in a good frame of mind.

This is the sort of thing I tell myself. I start each working day with the cryptic crosswords because, I tell myself, it gets my brain in shape quickly. I stop halfway through an article to play Bubbleshooter, or do a cryptogram, because it clears my mind and helps me to relax. These are cogent explanations: a practical benefit accrues as a consequence of me zapping green bubbles with other green bubbles.

It is not the same, then, as all the other people who waste their time online – they simply have sad and empty lives. Not me. Almost everything I do on the laptop, except for work, bestows upon me cheering benedictions, all testifying to my brilliance or adorability.