Belloc-esque cautionary tales for our times

In Competition No. 3180 you were invited to submit a Belloc-esque cautionary tale featuring a high-profile public figure.

Cautionary Tales for Children, published in 1907 and ‘designed for the admonition of children between the ages of eight and fourteen years’, featured such cruel and hideous comeuppances as being eaten, feet upwards, by a lion and being burnt to a crisp. Yours were generally rather less grisly, but props to Chris Ramsey for his pay-off to the sad story of Dom, who ended up whacked like a mole: ‘The moral is: for all their dash,/ All Spads, like spuds, end up as mash.’

No one drew a parallel between weepy Matt Hancock and Belloc’s incurably lachrymose Lord Lundy, destined to be the next prime minister but three, who fell from favour because ‘A hint at harmless little jobs/ Would shake him with convulsive sobs’, though the Secretary of State for Health does appear in the winning line-up.

Those poems printed below earn their authors £25 each.

O children, heed my words today:Beware the fate of Donald J!He learnt when he was but a youthThat lies work better than the truth;He found his ends were best achievedBy telling lies that all believed.‘I’m smarter than George Washington!’Declared mendacious Donald John.‘If I’d chopped down that cherry-tree,I would have sworn it wasn’t me!’He lied until his face turned blueAnd he himself believed them too.He lost the vote, yet lied and lied.‘I’m still the President!’ he cried.   So, children, tell the truth hereonLest you end up like Donald John.Brian Allgar

Young Matthew Hancock’s Chief DelightWas giving harmless folk a Fright:Appearing nightly on TVHe Prophesied CalamityAnd Terrified the people tillA lot of them became Quite IllAnd duly featured in the GraphsOf two men, Wise but Short on Laughs,One called Vallance, one named Whitty(Members of the Sage Committee),Which proved if you Defied the BanOn Mixing, you would Kill your Nan.Alas,