Bewigged buffoons

So good to be in London, if only to get away from the Hillary Clinton publicity machine which has blanketed the Bagel. This shrewd and shark-like operator makes greedy Cherie look small time. Worse, I predict the book la Clinton didn’t write will go straight to the top of the best-seller list. Eight million big ones for recounting eight million whoppers to some flunky: good work if you can get it. But even I thought it rather rude when a late-night comedian said that Chelsea is homely because Janet Reno is her father. Oy veh!

Mind you, I had hardly touched English soil when a friend got me all excited. ‘If you print this it will cost you around ten million and a couple of years in the pokey,’ was the way he put it. So here it goes: Which Member of Parliament belongs to the Magic Circle? This is a paedophile ring in Scotland, and its existence is causing mayhem in the upper circles of the Scottish mafia in Edinburgh. My informant, a person extremely well connected, assures me the you-know-what will soon hit the fan, but I doubt it. The bugger involved is much too smart. In fact he reminds me of Catherine the Great, who got rid of her husband Peter and then claimed he had died of haemorrhoids.

Actually, I am not eager to go back to court, although I won the last one big time. Yes, Mr Mohamed Fayed had to pay my costs as he had sued me and other backers of Neil Hamilton for maintenance. It was nice to finally win one – I had lost five straight – but believe you me, no poor person can win under this system.