The Spectator

Boris for Mayor: A ten-step program

Boris for Mayor: A ten-step program
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1) Do you remember in Peter Pan when poor Tinkerbell fades away because no-one believes in fairies, and how miraculously she perks up when the children begin to clap? Well, it’s the same with Boris.  I’m not saying that he responds to applause like fairy, just that the first step is faith. Exorcise your doubts right now: Believe in Boris!

2) Prepare a retort for the naysayers. Insecure and ambitious men will cry ‘buffoon!’ But Boris has done a good job as higher education minister, written serious books and made ancient history accessible. If he’s an idiot, what does that make the rest of us?

3) Then get online. There are hundreds of bloggers out there all tap-tapping away about Boris’s prospects. Log on. Join in. As we say round here. This site in particular needs an injection of enthusiasm:

4) The Cameroons are keeping an interested eye on the levels of  support so join any Boris for mayor groups you can find. There’s squillions of them, especially on horrible old Facebook. (Boris for Mayor, Support Boris etc etc)

5) Send Boris your thoughts about London. If he’s going to rise like Godzilla from the sea of sub-standard candidates, he needs to know what matters to Londoners.

Put London in the subject field and email your ideas to:

6) Are you a Henley resident? Henley needs persuading that Boris need not stand down as MP during his mayoral campaign. Write to the Oxfordshire Tories at: Or 8 Gorwell, Watlington OX49 5QE

7) London Calling was one of Boris’s Desert Island discs and it’ll be the theme tune for his campaign. Learn the lyrics and sing it as you go to work, as you cycle over Tower Bridge & sing it at Ken in the beating hulk of the GLA.

8) Encourage Steve Norris and Michael Portillo to sneer at Boris. It makes them look silly and frightened.

9) Design and make a decent Boris 4 Mayor T-shirt and then we’ll advertise it on Coffee House.

10) It’s a true, though much-doubted fact that Boris for Mayor wasn’t Cameron’s idea. So call the Conservative party (+44 (0) 20 7222 9000) and ask them to give BJ the support he needs.