Hadush Kebatu’s Magical Mystery Tour of North London was the subject of this afternoon’s debate in the Commons. In a scandal which may as well have been permanently accompanied by the Benny Hill theme tune, the police and prison service conspired accidentally to release the Ethiopian schoolgirl-botherer onto the streets of Chelmsford on Friday, followed by a two-day tour of the capital’s parks.
I wonder what trip Mr Kebatu has planned next? A wander around Windsor?
Inevitably this raised questions in Parliament. Kebatu isn’t alone: both Channel migrant numbers and accidental releases of the mad, bad and dangerous have risen precipitously under Labour. Perhaps given the people they allow to walk about among us as Ministers of the Crown, the bar was always going to be lowered.
Today, Shadow Justice Minister, Robert Jenrick, had posed an Urgent Question about the mishap. Fortunately, the government had put their greatest brain on the subject: David Lammy.
Next to Lammy was seated the oleaginous Jake Richards. Mr Richards has the appearance of a live-action version of the culinary rodent in the children’s film Ratatouille and the attitude of a Bourbon monarch. Sitting alongside the Sage of Tottenham as the face of the government’s response to this mess, he spent the entire statement pouting like a lesser-known Kardashian. What goes through these people’s heads as they sit there while the country collapses is anyone’s guess.
Robert Jenrick asked for numbers of foreign sex criminals accidentally released, referring to the Lord Chancellor as ‘Calamity Lammy’. Instead of actually answering, the Sage of Tottenham had some strong words for Mr Jenrick: ‘He’s smooth, but as my mother used to say ‘if he was chocolate he would lick himself.” which sounded like a horrifying mash up of Confucius and Hugh Hefner.
Lammy turned very shouty, and began to gesticulate, listing all the times that similar wrong ‘uns were released under the Tories. Apparently he’d been to the same elocution coach as Jess Phillips. He was backed up by a series of his more dignity-phobic colleagues, who lined up to declare that there was ‘nothing to see here’ because of past governments’ failures. Warinder Juss of Wolverhampton West thanked the Deputy Prime Minister for his ‘honest assessment of what happened, and for acknowledging that what happened was wrong’, before segueing seamlessly into ’14 years of Tory neglect!’
Listening to Labour MPs excuse their farcical government is becoming akin to hearing a lecture on political history – not usually a specialist subject for Mr Lammy. Who will they blame for the next disaster? Arthur Balfour? The Earl of Bute?
Lammy had said over the weekend that Kebatu would be deported as soon as possible, within the week. He declined to repeat that timescale today, in favour of blowing his top. I wonder what trip Mr Kebatu has planned next? A wander around Windsor? A trip to the Norfolk Broads? Certainly, with this lot in charge, it seems unlikely that he’ll be going home immediately.
Comments