Cigarette lady

Lady Trumpington is on the warpath. At the age of 81, the author of the tremendous dictum ‘I’d rather be common than middle-class’ will deploy her formidable rhetorical powers to condemn a wretched piece of legislation. The ‘Bill to prohibit the smoking of tobacco by any person in Wales while in a public place’, as its long title runs, is now making its way through the House of Lords, and Lady Trumpington is one of the select band of peers who oppose it.

For nearly 70 years she was herself a heavy smoker: ‘I started at the age of 11 and smoked 40 a day until two years ago. No doctor has ever gone at me, really, but I think a lot of them smoke anyway. I used to be a junior health minister [from 1985-87]. When I went on visits to hospitals and other such places I could just about last a couple of hours without a cigarette and then I’d say, “I’m sorry, I’ve simply got to have a fag,” and all the doctors and nurses would say “Thank God,” and out would come all the ashtrays.’

When I met her at the House of Lords, Lady Trumpington passed me some sheets of writing paper on which in her firm, round hand she had drafted the opening of her forthcoming speech. Here is an exclusive preview: ‘I would never have stopped smoking had I not been in hospital for reasons totally unconnected with tobacco. Three times, with a high temperature, I wandered down to the street in my nightdress and smoked a delicious cigarette. Once I lit up in my room — almost immediately a giant all dressed in white descended on me to tell me I was about to blow up the entire hospital. A kind lady showed me the fire escape where she assured me that as long as I kept my foot in the door I could smoke to my heart’s content.