I watched PMQs from the vantage point of Simon Mayo’s Radio Five studio today, with John Pienaar. We both scribble furiously during the PMQs – John has to select clips and present a narrative instantly. Now Cable has gone, only Cameron provides the jokes. And he was on especially good form today. John spotted that Cameron used the word “useless” three times. This must have been deliberate. I can easily imagine Andy Coulson in a meeting saying Brown’s main claim to fame is being dull-but-competent. Strip out competent, and you’re not left with much.
“The Prime Minister has a nerve to accuse me of inconsistency,” said Cameron. “I said he was useless a year ago, and still think he is now.” When Brown tried to mock Cameron’s (thankfully dumped) slogan “vote blue, go green” slogan, Cameron turned it on him instantly: “vote blue and get rid of this useless Prime Minister.” Cameron’s best lines are the ones he makes up on the spot. I suspect that, two or three times, he raised a smile amongst those listening to PMQs on Five Live. And that, in itself, is enough to win.
But while Cameron performed best, I’d give Nick Clegg the best attack line. He went on the economy, and raised the prospect of a Winter of Discontent. One of the Treasury bench smiled here, which gave Clegg a great chance to say “I don’t know why he’s smiling when unemployment today is up for its highest rate for 16 years” – but I rather doubt whether one can spy a smile from that far across the chamber.
Brown was, as always, caught between his two responses on the economy. Response A is “it’s bad out there, your Great Helmsman will guide you through the storms.” And then there’s Response B, “I’m a great Prime Minister, things are really good here, record employment, lower inflation than anywhere in the world.”
Unwisely, he chose Response B claiming that British inflation was the lowest in Europe (it’s not) and that employment is at a new high (a crude function of record immigration and naturally rising population). Seduced by his ability to produce Brownies like this, Brown is tiptoeing closer and closer to Callaghan “crisis? What crisis?” territory. No one reading any newspaper today, or buying anything in the supermarket, will believe inflation is lower. And no one cares about the price of sauerkraut in Germany. Clegg’s response “he’s so out of touch he doesn’t know how bad things are” was precisely the right one – even if he then veered off into fuel poverty.
But when it comes to out of touch, MPs who still refer to the Dear Leader’s efforts to “get hard-pressed families on to the housing ladder” take the biscuit. You feel like screaming at the TV: “there is no housing ladder, the downturn is the sharpest since the Great Depression”. A friend of mine is an estate agent, and we discussed what kind of fool of a first time buyer would buy a house today, given he’s guaranteed to get it cheaper in three months time. Then I heard Brown talking about his plans to spend taxpayers’ money buying unsold houses. There’s one born every minute.
He was asked if he thinks petrol price is too high. Yes, he said, and that’s why he went to Jeddah to talk to oil producers. The President of Nigeria is the latest oil producer being used as a prop, with Brown pretending to lobby him on behalf of the British motorist. But as the AA tells us with its monthly fuel price report, 66p of the 118p litre price of fuel is pure tax. If Brown thinks it’s too high, he can lower it tomorrow.
I will, as usual, incur the wrath of CoffeeHousers by saying that Cameron – for all his superior rhetoric – didn’t really corner Brown on any issues and that the Dear Leader had an answer (albeit a nerdy, and usually misleading one) for everything. So I’ll score this as a win for Nick Clegg.
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