Lucy Vickery

Competition | 14 May 2011

Lucy Vickery presents this week's Competition

Lucy Vickery presents this week’s Competition

In Competition No. 2695 you were invited to submit the last will and testament of a fictional character.
It is always striking when it comes to a challenge of this sort how like-minded the comping community is in its choice of fictional characters. There is a pretty wide range out there, but Toad, Miss Havisham, James Bond, Bertie Wooster and Falstaff popped up again and again in the entry.

Barry Baldwin’s version of 007’s parting shot deserves an honourable mention, as does Shirley Curran’s Eeyore: ‘To the coalition government I leave my realistic outlook; things can only get worse.’
The winners, printed below, get £20 each except W.J. Webster, who gets £25.

…my moustache to La Musée Magritte and my brain to L’Université de Charleroi.
Finally, the matters financial. I die rich but also, hélas, childless. For this, certain personages have been invited here on my instructions. My secretary, Miss Lemon, a lady formidable in efficiency. Inspector Japp, the true British ‘bobby’, so often a stone to spark my inspiration. Captain Hastings, my brother-in-arms, my faithful Watson. All deserve beneficence. But doubts arise. For you, Miss Lemon, if I make a grand bequest, the tongues, they will wag. Inspector Japp, will  your superiors smile on a gift from a private detective? And for you, my dear Hastings, what embarrassment to receive monetary reward for your friendship! Fortunately, mes amis, there is a final rabbit in Poirot’s cap. Voilà! The silver-haired lady sitting beside my notary is not his senior partner. She is my sole legatee, my long-lost English cousin — Jane Marple!
W.J. Webster

An LA private eye with a conscience in place of friends and family has about as much chance of ending up rich as a hog butcher in the Borscht Belt, so here goes nothing:
To Bernie Ohls: my .38

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