Competition: Beatlemania

In Competition No. 2745 you were invited to submit an extract from a leader’s speech to a party conference, incorporating the titles of as many Beatles songs as possible.

In 2007, Gregory Todd, a district court judge in Montana and fan of the Fab Four, managed to incorporate 42 Beatles song titles into his sentencing memorandum addressed to a defendant who had cheekily suggested that the judiciary ‘Let it Be’. An extract read: ‘Hopefully you can say now and When I’m 64 that I Should Have Known Better.’

The challenge was to weave in as many titles as possible while maintaining naturalness and plausibility. So while I salute Bill Greenwell, whose entry was composed entirely of Beatles song titles (Andrew Cowan almost managed it, too), I struggled rather with the stream-of-consciousness style, and it was not quite coherent enough to pass muster (though it would certainly liven up any party conference). Commendations, too, to J. Seery, Julia Woolcott and Jayne Osborn. The winners, printed below, get £25; Adrian Fry takes £30.

Fellow Monster Raving Loonies, it’s time to set out our plans for a yellow submarine fleet, raising the school leaving age to when I’m sixty-four and extending weekends to eight days a week. Why?  Principally, because. But I want to tell you today, we are a serious political force, ready to shoulder the burden and carry that weight. Labour ruined Britain — remember how dear prudence — so beloved of Brown — proved to be. Remember, also, how the long and winding road to recovery trodden by the coalition led helter-skelter to ruin. Here, there and everywhere, recession bites, binman and taxman alike suffering austerity. It’s pure Lunacy to claim we can work it out: I will make that claim.