Competition: Misleading advice

In Competition 2748 you were invited to submit snippets of misleading advice for tourists visiting Britain.

For those who are less than enthusiastic about the impending Games and the resulting hordes that will descend on the capital and beyond, this week’s postbag provides a potent arsenal of sadistic misinformation guaranteed to add an interesting twist to any Olympic visitor’s trip. It was another cracking performance all round. The winners are printed below and earn a fiver per snippet.

London cab drivers prefer to be paid with an Oyster card.
Wherever you go, you will find the hip, creative, boho crowd at your local Wetherspoon’s.
Call a number on any of the promotional National Lottery cards left in telephone boxes to see if you have won a prize.
The middle lane on British motorways is reserved for foreign visitors.
Basil Ransome-Davies

As a tourist you are allowed to drive a hire car in London bus lanes provided you cheerily acknowledge the shouts/waves of other road users.
Visitors from Greece should avail themselves of free bed and breakfast at The Athenaeum.
Only drivers visiting London while suffering from a cold are required to pay the Congestion Charge.
D.A. Prince

The wine in many restaurants comes in screw-capped bottles. If you prefer the traditional kind, ask the waiter to bring you a bottle that is corked.
Foreign visitors are always welcome to stroll through Buckingham Palace, and the Queen herself will be delighted to pose for a photo-shoot. If anyone tries to prevent you from entering, simply say: ‘I’ve come to shoot the Queen.’
Brian Allgar

Tipping Customs and Immigration officials as you enter the UK is not mandatory, but is a standard courtesy. Fold the banknotes inside your passport and offer the document with a friendly smile and perhaps a small wink.
Nude sunbathing along the Serpentine in Hyde Park is permitted only on Saturdays, Sundays and bank holidays.