Competition No. 2655

In Competition No. 2655 you were asked to submit a poem about a mundane household task such as boiling an egg or changing a light bulb in the style of a poet of your choice.

Pastiche always pulls in the crowds, and true to form the entries came flooding in. Commendations go to Virginia Price Evans, Paul Griffin, Martin Parker, Gee McIlraith and Tim Raikes, all of whom were unlucky losers. But a pat on the back all round: entries were almost uniformly magnificent and it was extremely tough to choose only a handful. The winners are printed below and earn their authors £25 each. The bonus fiver belongs to George Simmers.

Each morn resplendent angels swept the rich
Brocaded carpets of the Heavenly halls
With whirring Dysons, and let marvel none
That such machinery was there, for Heaven’s store
Holds all devices that God’s providence
Has planned for human weal in future times.
Satan was on that rota; with deft skill
He could all four attachments utilise
To clean fine tapestries and yet harm not
The lustrous filigrees of golden thread.
Which work gave him great joy, till Raphael
With Mister Muscle made the kitchen shine,
For which all Heaven garnished him with praise,
Ignoring Satan’s efforts, and the thoughts
Of that bright angel darkened, breeding vast
Resentful Pride, and so began all woe.
George Simmers/Milton

Into the neutral the blue wire goes.
Once it was black; things change I suppose.

The live one is brown. It used to be red,
Bringing to mind a decade long dead.

My wife is impatient. She wants the tv.
She likes Antiques Roadshow, doesn’t like me.

A trivial task, but it’s making me sweat.
I daren’t pop out for a quick cigarette.

My neighbour gave up. He put on three stone.
Now the women leave him alone.

Earth is bi-coloured, yellow and green.
I’d rather be reading a men’s magazine.