In Competition No. 2503 you were invited to supply new words for the British national anthem, to be sung to the original tune.
Spain’s opposition leader Mariano Rajoy recently called for its anthem to be given words following complaints from athletes who were fed up with humming self-consciously or staring solemnly into the middle-distance while it was playing at major sporting events. The story prompted the Today programme to invite the poet Murray Lachlan Young to come up with new words for ‘God Save the Queen’ which would reflect our changing political society. His opening was pretty feeble: ‘On this Atlantic rock/ We do complain a lot/ And like a drink…’ And it didn’t get much better, which goes to show that this assignment was a challenging one. As veteran competitor and serial winner Basil Ransome-Davies writes, ‘Tougher than it looks…’.
There was a mammoth entry, many of which put Lachlan Young to shame. In the main, the tone ranged from bleak to bleaker, with Michael Cregan speaking for many of you: ‘God help our native land!/ Stretch out thy mighty hand/ And save us all!’ You found little to celebrate save the glories of a swiftly receding past. But the winners, printed below, made my chest swell with patriotic pride. They net £25 apiece; Alan Millard’s rousing offering earns him a gold star and the bonus fiver.
Great One whom Dawkins doubts,
Where e’er your whereabouts,
Spring from afar!
Spur us to serve and please,
Lauding, upon our knees
City academies:
Youth’s ‘guiding star’.
Long let us co-exist
Under Brown’s clunking fist
Heeding his call,
Shielded from Bush and crew,
Europe and euros too,
True British, through and through,
Rulers of all!
Alan Millard
One Kingdom, one our hearts,
One Nation, many parts —
One British brand!
England with Scotland’s knit,
Ulster and Wales, it’s writ;
Never shall they be split -—
This is our Land!
One Queen, one Parliament,
Self-rule is our intent —
Detached we stand!
We shall not bow the knee,
We’ll live forever free
From EU tyranny —
This is our Land!
Virginia Price Evans
Let’s hear it for the Brits
(We’re not like Frogs or Fritz);
An Island state.
Bill Bryson loves our strand,
Madonna thinks we’re grand,
Russians buy half our land —
This proves we’re Great.
Let’s hear it for our Isles —
(But not for Europhiles) —
Love ’em to bits.
Pizza, curry, sushi,
Kebabs and spaghetti,
Culture of karaoke
Define the Brits.
D.A. Prince
Long may this ancient land,
Forged by its history, stand
Noble and Free.
All of us, nationwide,
Cities and countryside,
Moorland and mountainside,
Bound by the sea.
Bastion of liberty,
Home to the refugee,
Steadfast we stand.
Strong in adversity,
Proud of diversity,
These isles are home to me,
This is my land.
Tim Raikes
Long live Our Teddy Bear,
Symbol of tender care,
Cherished by all:
Brideshead and Betjeman,
Soap star and stretcher-man —
Don’t it half getcher, man!
Let the tears fall…
Teddy Our Bear, arise!
Where’er our country cries,
Multiply there:
Hearts on our sodden sleeves,
Gladly the nation grieves,
Gaily its bliss retrieves,
Blest by the bear.
Moyra Blyth
Britain, we pledge to thee,
Never to bend the knee,
Never to crawl!
Brussels bureaucracies,
Yankee plutocracies,
Social democracies,
Banish them all!
Pickles and sandwiches,
No foreign languages,
Sunshine and showers,
Cricket and beer with hops,
Shakespeare and cornershops,
Chapels and alco-pops:
Britain is ours!
John Whitworth
No. 2506: Hole hearted
You are invited to submit a short story entitled ‘The Life with a Hole in it’ (150 words maximum). Entries to ‘Competition 2506’ by 2 August or email lucy@spectator.co.uk.
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