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David Cameron visits a zoo with no animals

David Cameron visits a zoo with no animals
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The feral travelling Tory press pack were suited and booted this morning in the pouring Cheshire rain and led up a muddy path to a giant rock. No, David Cameron was not going to unveil his answer to a Miliband's carved pledge stone, in fact he wasn't going to say anything at all.

You can imagine the spin doctor's train out thought for the last day of full campaigning in the longest, most tiresome election in modern memory. Let's got to the zoo! Let's go to tigers enclosure! Tigers are brave, PMs need courage and so on. Or perhaps they wanted to win Piers Morgan's vote; he has revealed today that he'll be voting for the Animal Welfare Party.

Just one problem: there were no animals. The undeveloped part of Chester Zoo the media were treated to today won't open until next year. The closest they got to a tiger were the bright orange vests handed out.

'A zoo with no animals? Sums up the whole campaign,' muttered one weary snapper.

The PM was gone in a jiffy: a quick point at there, a peer into the middle distance there and he was away. With that it was back on the bus for the travelling throng, who by this time looked every bit the part of a wet, disappointed school trip.