Q. The person with whom I used to march, before he had to sell up, is hostile to my plan to allow wind turbines on my land. He still lives nearby and his view will be affected. He is utterly opposed on environmental grounds — the noise, the despoilation of the skyline, the fact that wind turbines do not actually save energy but just allow boxes to be ticked… I agree with him on all counts but unfortunately I am not in a financial position to resist a life-changing sum of money for doing nothing. We have been friends all our lives, and our parents and grandparents before us. Mary, how can I mend fences?
—Name and address withheld.
A. It would not be illogical for you take the view that it is probably only a matter of time before wind turbines are discredited and you will be allowed to dismantle them. Discuss this with your neighbour and your belief that, before they are discredited, cash-poor landowners should take advantage of the inflated pay-outs being offered. Meanwhile, in recognition of his historic links with your land, you want to award him a sum, to be annually reviewed, to make the intrusion bearable. The sum, though commensurate with his own smaller-time status, should also be ‘life-changing’.
Q. A former girlfriend came up to me in an art gallery the other day. She seemed mortally offended by my failure to know who she was — as if this was confirmation that she had passed some sort of sell-by date. Yet she looked wonderful — just different, obviously, at 60, from the way she looked 25 years ago. I have been abroad for some years. How should I conduct myself when this sort of thing happens again — as it certainly will?
—A.G., London SW11
A. Almost everyone changes their hairstyle as the decades roll by, so next time cry excitedly, ‘But you’ve changed your hairstyle! That’s why I didn’t recognise you.’ In this way you can offset the implied insult of your failure to recognise with the implied compliment that you clearly remembered her former hairstyle and seemed to have fond memories of it.
Q. It is my birthday during half-term and my parents have said I can use our London flat for a (drinks) party and they will pay for everything. They do not seem to be worried but I know my friends and I are worried that things will get out of hand. On the other hand I think it would be uncool to have grown-ups there. What should I do?
—E.H., address withheld
A. Since money is clearly no object, then employ a team of adult waiters to hand round at the party. Their neutral but uniformed presence will mean they can serve as a subtle peace-keeping force. They can also control quantities of alcohol consumed by keeping main source supplies out of sight.
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