Q. Each year I help to organise a big Christmas event for charity. In October I write to all my rich friends inviting them to buy tickets. Some loyally do, others say they won’t be able to come but send donations anyway. A third lot don’t even bother to reply. Falling into this last category are three friends who, when I run into them, always insist that though they won’t be able to come they will definitely be sending a donation ‘because you are always so good at supporting my charity’. This is true. They do not realise that, as a trustee, I see the names of everyone who has donated and I know for a fact that these three have never given. I know they are quite disorganised but how, without being pushy, can I extract the donation they probably do intend to give but never get round to?
—Name withheld, Edinburgh
A. Next time, gush your thanks as usual but urge them to be sure to mention your name when they do donate. Explain that, when the appeal closes, each committee member heads a list of the donations they have personally been instrumental in soliciting. Say that, as the others are ‘all very competitive’, any donor links you can claim will make you feel less of a loser. This will give the slackards food for thought.
Q. My husband works so hard all day that when he comes home he just wants to blob. I have to force him to have dinner with even his best friends, so my heart sank when neighbours invited us to a party just before Christmas on a night when there is really good telly on. It’s bound to be deadly, but out of neighbourliness I accepted. Now my husband has forbidden me to go. He says we will only meet other hoorays who will then invite us to dinner and we will have to spend the whole of 2011 avoiding them. He has a point, but I do not see how I can get out of this because our neighbours’ first-floor drawing room looks directly on to the glass roof of our extended kitchen where my husband will be slobbing about in his pyjamas. He says I should just tell them the truth — that we are too tired to come — but this seems unfriendly. Help!
—Name withheld, London SW18
A. Your husband should rethink his Scrooge stance. What could be more reassuring than to have a network of hooray neighbours? At least one of you must go to do the groundwork of bonding. If your husband still refuses, then tell your kind neighbours that you have had to agree to babysit for someone who can’t get anyone else to do it while she goes to a Christmas party. The tiny tot will be dropped at your house so you will make a provisional appearance but will be on standby to rush back if needed. This will explain why your husband can be seen slobbing in his pyjamas while the party is on. It will also enable you to curtail the time you spend there if it really is deadly.
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