Q. Recently my wife and I received a thank you letter from ‘John and Kate’ giving an address in Pimlico. They wrote to thank us for a picture of roses that ‘we’ had given them for a wedding present. My mother-in-law painted beautifully and often chose roses. My wife and I racked our brains to think who this well-mannered couple could be. Not one of ours — over to you Rollo and Janie (a local couple with whom I and my wife, Rollo and Caroline, are often confused). But it was not one of theirs either… How do you suggest both Rollos come out of this smelling of roses?
— R.C.,West Porlock, Somerset
A. A quick (free) search of www.thepeerage.co.uk reveals too many Rollos for the mystery to be easily solved. However, there is no need for you to be coy. Return the thank-you letter to John and Kate explaining that while it seems likely that the picture was painted by your celebrated and prolific mother-in-law and possibly signed to you and your wife — hence the confusion — you cannot claim credit for having given it as a present. Suggest they make a shortlist of likely contenders and email an image of the picture around until they identify themselves. Ask to be sent a copy yourselves.
Q. We live in a street of terraced houses in London. Neighbours on either side of our house have milk delivered. Annoyingly the milkman often delivers at 3 a.m. and parks right outside our house. My wife and I are frequently woken by the sound of the milk float brakes and clanking bottles. As Spectator readers we know that we ought to support the tradition of deliveries, but we are slowly being driven mad by the broken sleep. We also like our neighbours and — although there are half a dozen shops selling groceries round the corner — feel it might appear unreasonable to ask them to stop having milk deliveries.
— A.S., London SW17
A. Go over the milkman’s head and telephone the dairy manager directly. Speak of your passionate support for the home delivery service but confide that you are anxious it may be threatened if sleepless residents gang up on the ‘noise abatement issue’. Is there any way the sounds of braking and clanking in your road could be muffled? Milkmen usually mean no harm — they often make these rackets in an unconscious bid for praise that they are up early and working away while others are sleeping.
Q. May I pass on a tip to readers? As an artist who was stuck on the M25 in the recent cold snap, I used bubble wrap as a good substitute for blankets.
— G.W., Wiltshire
A. Thank you for this tip.
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