Dear Mary… | 11 November 2006

Q. Several weeks ago I was asked to keep clear a date in November for a surprise 60th birthday party. In anticipation I purchased a carefully chosen and expensive gift which, being particular for the host, is of no use to me and cannot be given elsewhere or returned to the shop. The formal invitation arrived and the party is to be held at a restaurant. Enclosed with the invitation was a menu from which to choose my dinner and a request that I return my choice with a cheque to cover the cost. I have entertained the host, who is quite able to afford the price of the meal, on many occasions at my expense. To maintain family concord I cannot refuse to attend the party but if I pay for the meal and wine in addition to the gift, I will have unreasonably exceeded my usual cost limit for these events. What to do?
J.S., Guernsey, C.I.

A. Readers on limited incomes will sympathise with you, but you must rise above the nuisance and shell out with good grace. To start with, if it is a surprise party, the host can hardly be blamed that his or her friends are asking guests to subsidise it. Furthermore you are likely to receive reciprocal largesse in the fullness of time. Even if you do not, you will have happier memories of the occasion if you clear your decks of small resentments before settling down to celebrate it.

Q. An elderly cousin kindly offered to take me to dinner at a restaurant of my choice. Since I have an ‘in’ at the Ivy, I got us a table there. My cousin arrived before me and was therefore already sitting on the banquette so that he could look out for me.