Dear Mary | 12 December 2009

Q. I have a small flat in a northern seaside town which I use when visiting my son, whose own property is an hour’s drive away. He also stays there when visiting for business meetings, so keeps a set of keys for my flat at his home. His 17-year-old daughter recently asked me the address of the flat, without saying why. Then, when last I arrived there, I found La Senza underwear on the floor, strange shampoo in the bathroom and curtains drawn. No doubt in my mind who had been there. (I can definitely rule out my son.) Mary, my son now denies that my granddaughter would ever do such a thing as stay in my flat without permission. Clearly if she had asked, I would have been delighted to allow her to stay, but I’m upset that she didn’t.

So how do I prevent a family row? Should I change the locks?

P.B., London SW6

A. Give the girl the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she went to the flat to check that all was well after your son worried to her that he had left the heating on or something. But tell her that things of hers left at the flat suggested to you she had visited. While you appreciate her vigilance you would much rather she told you if she felt there had been anything to worry about, rather than trying to protect you by not mentioning it. Does she feel you should install security cameras to monitor comings and goings?

Q. I recently attended a 40th birthday party. We were all seated at a U-shaped table in a private house, and although by midnight everyone was very tired, no one wanted to be the first one to stand up and say they were going home.