Q. In the light of WikiLeaks and Facebook, should the Chatham House rules still apply in civilised society? My life is rather mouvementé just now and, although I have no immediate plans to publish it, I feel it a duty to keep a diary. Unfortunately my wife thinks there is an element of sneakiness about my doing this. My view is that if you have the kind of access I have, then it is almost a moral obligation to keep a record of who said what, for the moment when, as they say, the history books come to be written. Can you rule, Mary?
—Name withheld
A. A diary, written as a narrative of one’s own life, is one thing. It is useful for the purpose of self-analysis and as a record for one’s children. Yet there is something parasitic about setting out to be beady about others who are not on their guard. The wrong decisions can be made if those in charge cannot use others as a sounding board without being documented. The temptation to sensationalise is great and distorts the bigger picture. It is never acceptable, incidentally, to carry a voice-activated tape recorder and hand it to a secretary at the end of the day for transcription. In summary, you must examine your motives for keeping the diary. If they are to celebrate human life and discourse, then keep it if you have the stamina. If you are doing it for self-justification, spite or pecuniary advantage, then do not.
Q. I work in newspaper marketing. At home, social life and work life are kept separate, but here in Berlin my colleagues want to socialise. It is the last thing I want but I do not know what permanent excuse I can give. What do you suggest, Mary?
—Name withheld, Berlin
A. It would be a mistake to serially reject these overtures. You would do better to take the initiative yourself. The trick is to round up three or four colleagues at a time: this will allow you to keep some distance as well as mask your lack of interest. Your stance shows a failure of imagination on your part. For all sorts of reasons, a carefully calibrated amount of socialising with colleagues is now a necessary part of professional advancement.
Q. I live in complete chaos with too much junk in every direction. Despite appearances, our flat is actually very clean because we do have a cleaner who laboriously lifts everything up and cleans behind and around, so I want to reassure people who come to our flat that things are not as bad as they look, but I do not want to seem to be protesting too much.
—R.W., London SE1
A. Buy from a children’s toy shop a brightly coloured chess set with large chessmen. Leave the figures imaginatively lined up so that they will draw visitors’ eyes away from the chaos, and give the impression of a sense of order.
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