Q. Florentine society is notoriously difficult to penetrate, so a girl with whom I briefly shared a flat was delighted when I invited her to dinner and she met lots of my friends at the private art school I attend there. I also invited her to attend one of the brilliant lectures given every Thursday night by the principal of our school. The lectures are open to all but only a handful of non-students attend. The last two Thursdays this girl was waiting for me with an eager smile when I walked in, but Thursday nights are the only time I am with my fellow students when we are not all hard at work and we have a chance to talk and bond before and after the lecture. I do like her, but how can I circulate freely, without hurting her feelings but also without keeping her in tow?
Name withheld, Florence, Italy
A. Explain to her that you have become something of an informal ambassador/pastoral carer for the school and must now circulate, discreetly enquiring whether all is well amongst your fellow pupils. For this reason she must not be offended if you do not stick by her side all evening.
Q. Is it good form, insulting, or just naff to be told what one should wear to a private gathering? I have recently been instructed to wear ‘smart casual’ and ‘very casual’ and wonder where it will end. ‘No shorts or braces’ perhaps. What do you think? Is it necessary to give any instructions? I am tempted to put ‘clothes will be worn’ on my next invitation.
H.C.P., Chepstow, Monmouthshire
A. Unless guests are required to wear fancy dress, black tie or a smoking jacket, it is not the norm to issue dress codes for parties within a private house.
Q. A friend from university invited me by text to Sunday lunch. His parents are brilliant cooks and very good company and, assuming lunch would be at his warm, comfortable family home in north Oxford, I accepted, by text. Now he has texted me to suggest we meet up, just the two of us, not at his parents’ house, but at a new expensive pub in the country and each pay for ourselves. This is not what I had in mind. How can I get out of going without seeming as though I just do not want to pay?
Name and address withheld
A. Text back saying, alas you had assumed the lunch was in north Oxford and accepted because you were going to be in north Oxford yourself that day for a pre-lunch appointment. Might he consider switching venues? Or could you drop in on his parents instead?
Q. A friend of mine has married a much younger woman. Last time I invited them to dinner, she said yes but they did not turn up. When I rang, they were apologetic but claimed to know nothing about the invitation. I suspect she is a heavy drinker (or worse). I would like to ask them again but how can I make sure that they don’t forget next time? It is impossible to ring him at work.
V.N., London SW12
A. Next time, on the pretext of checking for food allergies, ring on the morning of your dinner, get through to your friend’s secretary and ask her just to check with him, and get back to you, whether he will eat whatever it is you are planning to serve that night.
Comments