Q. My husband is a retired scientist but still much in demand. Recently he was part of a small committee organising a world congress in Brisbane, judged to have been very successful, thanks in no small part to him. Every time we now meet one of the other committee members, a businessman, he teases my husband, mainly in regard to his age (75). I am finding this increasingly irritating, particularly since this man has little else to say to my husband apart from the teasing. He is a perfectly pleasant chap, whom we must meet socially occasionally, and I don’t want to make too strong a retort, but I am fed up with the tone. What would you say to him, Mary, to make him realise he needs to find something more pleasant to say?
A.F., Queensland
A. You should not take the nuisance personally. While working on the committee your husband probably displayed a savoir-faire befitting his age. The businessman is clearly a competitive sort who probably felt that his own comparative lack of expertise was serially highlighted during the meetings. Consequently, each time he now sees your husband, he feels a mild rush of inadequacy as he remembers this. It prompts him to make a belated bid for a level playing-field. Next time he makes the quip, put matters to rest by saying pleasantly, ‘Don’t keep worrying about his age. He doesn’t hold your lack of it against you.’
Q. When I was hiring a car in Cape Town a few days ago I had a similar experience to your South African correspondent last week. Neither pronouncing my surname (Cecil) correctly or as it is spelt achieved clarity, so I tried ‘as in Cecil Rhodes’. I was told politely but firmly that the great man’s name is pronounced ‘Sissil’ Rhodes. Was he correct, and if so why are men called ‘Sissil’ and women called ‘Cecil’? Any help in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
J.C., Darling, South Africa
A. The simple answer is that Rhodes came from Bishop’s Stortford, where Cecil is pronounced Sissil whatever the walk of life the Cecil hails from. One theory about the male/female disparity of Cecil pronunciation is that women Cecils have been traditionally more tolerant of having their name mispronounced since they knew it would be changing on marriage.
Q. We have a scruffy cottage in Cornwall which I would like to rent out during the recession. I am told by an agent that we could get £500 a week in high season but would need to clear out our own junk. Neither my husband nor I have the energy or time to do this. What do you recommend, Mary? The problem is we have reached a bit of an impasse about which one is the busiest, and neither will back down.
Name withheld, London SW6
A. Offer to lend the cottage free of charge during the Easter school holidays to an impoverished friend plus their family. In exchange they must box up your junk and bring it back to London, negotiate with the agent, etcetera. Incidentally, you would be better off renting it out for less than it is worth. In this way it will be full every week.
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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