Q. A friend gives regular dinner parties with all the potential to be brilliant events. She knows wonderful people and always has an interesting mix. She has a flat in Chelsea. She is a beautiful, stylish and generous woman but she rarely gets the food on the table before 10 p.m., by which time people are feeling a bit tired and irritable and also drunk and full of nuts and crisps. Our friend is a businesswoman and seems to be hard-wired to do everything at the last minute. She laughs when we tease her but nothing changes. She is giving another dinner soon but my husband is losing patience with her. How can I help her to mend her ways?
— K.M.B., London SW3
A. Confide that your husband has a blood test the next morning and has to fast for 12 hours before it. Ask if it is possible to have finished eating by 10 p.m. — otherwise, sadly, you will not be able to attend. The dinner is bound to go with a swing and, when thanking her, you can speak plainly about why.
Q. I have a number of friends at art school who occasionally show me their work and ask me what I think. I find that any response except for complete flattery is met with great upset but I hate to say that I like something when I don’t. What should I do?
— G.B., London W11
A. You could do lasting damage by crushing the fragile egos of those for whom positive feedback is vital if their work is to eventually emanate authority. As a friend, your duty, when confronted with work which you deem to be ‘bad’, is to study it in respectful silence for a good time. Pick on details you genuinely admire. Then summarise, ‘I really like it but that may be because I really like you so much that I just cannot give an objective judgment.’ This absolves you from any responsibility for encouraging an artist along the wrong path. In any case — who are you to judge? Commercial success, or the lack of it, will dictate whether these artists are barking up the wrong tree.
Q. A dear Polish neighbour has been going through a difficult time and seeks consolation in cooking. She rushes round with family-sized lemon meringue pies and rhubarb crumbles and cream. All delicious, I am sure, but I don’t have either a large family or a sweet tooth. I have now discovered that two other neighbours also find these enormous offerings on their doorstep. How do I prevent this lovely lady from wasting her time and money?
— D.M., Cannes
A. Put an end to this waste mountain by inviting her to help you consume the next delivery at an impromptu luncheon or tea. Invite along some other neighbours — needier than yourself — who, with luck, could become the more grateful recipients of her bounty. Seal the deal by announcing at the end of this feast that you are now embarking on a diet.
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