Q. I belong to the clerical profession, one to which, in theory, a certain dignity adheres. I particularly dislike ‘trendy’ abbreviations of my Christian name. On meeting recently a new ecumenical colleague I introduced myself as ‘David’ and he replied: ‘Oh great, I’m a Dave too!’ I was lost for words. What should I have said or done? After all, nobody called Jesus ‘Jeez’.
— Father D.S., Southampton
A. You should have nipped the abuse instantly in the bud by smiling pleasantly as you replied ‘Do you know… I thought everyone would call me Dave but in my neck of the woods they all seem to want to call me David. Apparently they think it has more dignity and is more appropriate to the office. I haven’t answered to Dave for years. Just you wait. It may happen to you next!’
Q. I am very fond of my daughter-in-law but she is quite buxom and inclines to daring clothes. When I gave a dinner party recently she wore a dress with a top that did little more for her modesty than a pair of braces. Each time she turned towards a man further up the table, with whom she was enjoying an animated discussion, she ‘popped out’. The other guests were so transfixed that conversation dried up. Whenever I succeeded in catching her eye she just smiled sweetly at me. When my husband offered her his jacket she laughed. My son is overseas. How can I politely make it clear that she should have more respect for me and my guests?
— J.P., Wallingford, Oxfordshire
A. On paper it is ill-mannered to use such primitive tactics to dominate a dinner party, but the truth is the host need not worry. Bosom-flashing is so rarely seen in respectable middle-aged circles that it usually goes down very well. Men love it, and women love being prurient about it. If you still want to curb her enthusiasm, next time suggest in advance of the dinner that someone takes a photograph of the party on a mobile phone and emails it to her husband overseas so he can ‘join in’. She may adopt a different dress code.
Q. I was recently in Ootacamund in the Nilgiri Hills for the closing hunt of the season. Yesterday I looked in at St Thomas’s. The sermon was in Tamil but I could detect a few English words such as ‘Satan’, ‘great responsibility’, and ‘Amen’. After the sermon, the offertory was taken. What is the appropriate amount to donate in a rundown colonial church which clearly needs funds — even though the spiritual enlightenment from the sermon eluded me?
— R.P.A.S., Bombay
A. The important thing with a church offering in any country is not to upstage the other members of the congregation. If you have the funds and would like to do something more for the upkeep of such a worthwhile cause, then do so discreetly and behind the scenes.
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