Q. I belong to the clerical profession, one to which, in theory, a certain dignity adheres. I particularly dislike ‘trendy’ abbreviations of my Christian name. On meeting recently a new ecumenical colleague I introduced myself as ‘David’ and he replied: ‘Oh great, I’m a Dave too!’ I was lost for words. What should I have said or done? After all, nobody called Jesus ‘Jeez’.
— Father D.S., Southampton
A. You should have nipped the abuse instantly in the bud by smiling pleasantly as you replied ‘Do you know… I thought everyone would call me Dave but in my neck of the woods they all seem to want to call me David. Apparently they think it has more dignity and is more appropriate to the office. I haven’t answered to Dave for years. Just you wait. It may happen to you next!’
Q. I am very fond of my daughter-in-law but she is quite buxom and inclines to daring clothes. When I gave a dinner party recently she wore a dress with a top that did little more for her modesty than a pair of braces. Each time she turned towards a man further up the table, with whom she was enjoying an animated discussion, she ‘popped out’. The other guests were so transfixed that conversation dried up. Whenever I succeeded in catching her eye she just smiled sweetly at me. When my husband offered her his jacket she laughed. My son is overseas. How can I politely make it clear that she should have more respect for me and my guests?
— J.P., Wallingford, Oxfordshire
A. On paper it is ill-mannered to use such primitive tactics to dominate a dinner party, but the truth is the host need not worry.
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