Your problems solved
Q. I recently received the annual magazine from my old school, and as a consequence offered to make a donation to assist with the development of a new sixth-form centre — as I’m sure many other people did. Having exchanged amiable emails with the headmaster and school administrator I made a decent donation, advising the latter when I had made the transfer. Unfortunately I have received no acknowledgement or thanks in return. Whether this is due to slackness or discourtesy I am not sure, but it rankles. What should I do?
— J.W., West Midlands
A. It may not come naturally for a ‘pupil’ to reprimand a ‘master’ but it is your duty to mention this inexcusable behaviour. If you do not, the project may well suffer a funding shortfall. Send them another email along the lines of ‘I have signalled my support for the sixth-form centre with a donation. May I make another contribution to help with this appeal? I suggest a policy of thanking people for their donations be implemented. It is well known in fund-raising circles that failure to do this will have negative word-of-mouth repercussions. I would welcome your opinion on this suggestion.’
Q. I have two woman friends whom I meet regularly for lunch, but their insistence on greeting me with a kiss on the lips spoils what would otherwise be a pleasant encounter. They both approach me with bright red lipsticked lips pursed for action. I always try to make a quick sideways manoeuvre to avoid contact, preferring to just touch cheeks, but I can see that they both feel put out. How can I let them know, without hurting their feelings, that I don’t want to be kissed on the lips by another woman?
—A.B., Johannesburg
A. You can respond to this lamentable affectation by painting a coating of ‘Stop’n’Grow’ liquid onto your philtrum — the area between upper lip and nose which became the focus of attention during the John Major era. This product is available from most chemists. It is odourless and colourless but serves its purpose as a nail-biting deterrent by tasting unspeakably bitter. The ladies are unlikely to ask why you ‘taste’ so revolting but the shock will make them think twice about kissing you on the lips again. Instead you will find that they welcome the sideways manoeuvre in future.
Q. The question of the ‘Bless you’ conundrum has two answers; one out from a four-year-old boy. He started saying, after sneezing, ‘Bless me’. It stopped any further exclamations, believe me. The second is to say, after the second sneeze, ‘You are blessed’, and say no more.
—J.W., Mosman, NSW
A. Thank you for this addition to the recent debate on when to call time on saying ‘Bless you’ when a serial sneezer is in action.
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