Dear Mary | 16 May 2019

Q. I am a disabled man with a good brain and an independent bent. However, I need help to wash and dress, morning and night. My private carer is excellent in every way but one. He’s experienced, willing, caring, utterly reliable and trustworthy — but he’s also bossy and controlling. He insists on staying for coffee with me, lingers longer than he needs to, passes comment on my life and wants to be my close friend. I find this oppressive. How can I tactfully manage it?
— Name and address withheld

A. Solve this problem by adding to your carer’s workload. Why not adopt, from a rescue home, a three-legged, ten-year-old labrador or similar, which will also need a bit of attention and exercise? This will at least distract your carer. More pertinently, it will allow your carer to channel his admiration and affection for you through a disabled canine proxy.

Q. A friend has introduced us to a new couple who live very near us, and we now see a lot of them. The problem is that although we adore them both, one of them often repeats stories we’ve already heard at least once before. I would never like to cut anyone off in the middle of a jolly anecdote, especially a new friend, but when you’ve heard it before, it all starts to feel a bit impersonal because you wonder why he didn’t remember your previous reaction. What would you suggest?
— P.S.,Warwickshire

A. You can successfully retrain the friend using the following method. Tell him one of your own anecdotes, this time, let’s say, one about hang gliding. Then, next time you see him, at a relevant moment, say: ‘Of course I’ve told you the story about the hang-gliding incident.’ When he agrees that you have indeed told it, say: ‘Oh well, I won’t repeat it then.