Q. Some friends and I have been discussing the vexed question of vegetarians, and opinions are divided as to whether they should announce this (or any other dietary requirements) when an invitation is given, or wait until they arrive. The former suggests that something special needs to be prepared for them, while the latter could cause a last-minute panic for the host/hostess if nothing suitable was to hand. Perhaps any host/hostess would be wise nowadays to check this when issuing the invitation, but please give us your guidance, dear Mary!
F.W., Siena, Italy
A. I have taken guidance from a much-in-demand vegetarian within my own circle. She is someone who, unusually, manages to carry off this social handicap without it impacting on her popularity. She advises, ‘I believe very firmly that you should never announce it! You wouldn’t expect someone to list any other likes and dislikes before accepting an invitation to dinner, unless they were life-threatening.
‘If announced before arrival it makes the presumption that you expect something cooked specially for you (an incredibly rude thing to do). If mentioned at any point after arrival it condemns the rest of the guests to one of the most tedious topics of conversation. The truth is that very few of us arrive at dinner on the brink of starvation and invariably there are more than enough other things to accompany the meat. The non-veg bit of the meal should be declined, quietly, as anyone else would do when offered swedes or greens if they were a pet hate. If you are a neurotic and starving vegetarian, bring your hosts chocolate or a lovely cheese for a present, just in case.’
Q. A.E.’s husband’s desire to spotlight his Maserati ownership may backfire. I recall attending a Sunday League game at Lord’s one afternoon in about l980.
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