Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary | 18 January 2018

Also: How to hide a housekeeper’s hideous cushions and how to keep friends as a birthday looms

Q. I will be 80 in March and all my friends will expect to be asked to the celebration. My problem is that our dining-room table only fits 16, and everyone is too old for a buffet as we will spill the stuff down ourselves. How can I avoid offending the uninvited friends?
— M.D., Norfolk.

A. Are you a grandparent? If so, there must be grandchildren and easily 16 members of extended family. Save hurting your friends’ feelings by allowing it to become ‘unintentionally’ a family party on the day itself. During the year fulfil any social expectations by hosting a series of alphabetical lunches. Ask friends in batches of 16 (or less), in alphabetical order so no one need be left out.

Q. We came up to London for the first time in almost five weeks having been travelling and in the country over Christmas and the New Year. As soon as we walked into our drawing room we were shocked to see a new set of eight cushions dotted around the room. They are vibrantly coloured and would not look out of place on the set of Teletubbies. It emerged that our very lovable and conscientious live-in helper/housesitter, feeling that she was not earning her keep during our absence, has put all her energies into hand-sewing these horrors as a present for us. We would never want to hurt her feelings,and we have pretended to be pleased, but we really cannot live with them. Mary, how can we break the news that we long to reinstate the previous shabby chics which, thankfully, she has not binned?
— Name and address withheld.

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